This installment brings a story straight from home. It's important to understand, before we get too far along here, that the missus is generally pretty levelheaded. This whole time, I've been waiting for something to come seriously unhinged - which, to hear some of the other dads-to-be tell it, happens all the time, for no reason, with no warning...you get the picture. But she's just not like that.

Except for this one night, not too long ago. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, I hear uncontrollable crying - I mean, like someone-must-have-died-type action. So I fly up the stairs, where I find her sitting in front of her computer. She's got her email open; her parents have written. I take the direct approach: "What happened?"

"My-my-my-d-d-daaad..." she chokes out between sobs, "b-b-b-bou-bought a p-p-piannnooo!"

Deep breath. Do not laugh. This can all go very, very badly for you, boy. Must think of exactly the right thing to say. Come on, you can do it - think!

"Umm...it's ok, sweetie...I'm, uh, sure he didn't mean to."

I really should've just stayed on the couch.